oBsesSion wiTh w0RdS & LifE

JUST JOKES

2012-01-14T22:31:00.001-08:00

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. (My personal favorite funny quotes)

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

12. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

13. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

14. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

15. You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

18. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

19. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

20. It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another.

Di sini lagi

2011-12-13T03:02:00.000-08:00

Why am i in this situation again..
Ya Allah..

Ya Allah

2011-09-13T22:40:00.001-07:00

Tak pernah kusangka

aku merasakan

rindu yang begitu hebat

saat kamu

tak lagi ada disampingku

tak pernah kusangka

hati ku terbakar

saat aku dengar kamu sebut namanya

dan saat kamu bersamanya

ya Allah ya Tuhanku

ku mohon kepadamu

masukkan aku ke dalam lubuk hatinya

buatlah dia cinta kepadaku

Tak pernah kusangka

aku patah hati

saat kamu mau pergi meninggalkan

aku yang selalu cinta kamu

Tak pernah kusangka

perih yang kurasa

sebesar rasa yang kurasa

silih berganti tangis dan tawa

ya Allah ya Tuhanku

ku mohon kepadamu

buatlah dia menjadi kekasihku

jadikan dia milikku selamanya

CINTA MATI KU

2011-09-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Kamu tak ‘kan pernah mendapatkan cinta

Cinta seperti yang aku berikan kepada kamu

Kamu nanti pasti ‘kan menyadarinya

Saat aku tak lagi ada

Kamu tak ‘kan pernah tahu betapa aku

Memuja kamu seperti ku memuja dewa cinta

Kamu nanti pasti ‘kan menyadarinya

Saat aku tak lagi ada

Cinta ini cinta yang tak perlu

Mendapatkan balasan cinta

Meski hatiku perih

Menahan cinta yang terluka

Cinta yang buatku bertahan

Pasti ada air mata

Kamu tak ‘kan pernah tahu betapa aku

Memuja kamu seperti ku memuja dewa cinta

Kamu nanti pasti ‘kan menyadarinya

Saat aku tak lagi ada

Cinta ini cinta yang tak perlu

Mendapatkan balasan cinta

Meski hatiku perih

Menahan cinta yang terluka

Cinta yang buatku luka

Cinta yang buatku bertahan

Meski ada air mata

Cinta ini cinta yang tak ‘kan tergantikan

Cinta ini cinta yang tak ‘kan tergantikan

Inilah satu-satunya cinta yang tak perlu

Mendapatkan balasan cinta

Meski hatiku perih

Menahan cinta yang terluka

Cinta yang buatku luka

Cinta yang buatku bertahan

Meski ada air mata

Meski ada air mata

Meski ada air mata

You Dont Know

2011-08-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

Dont you know..

this song is about u

dont you know.. what im missing is u..

i miss u so damn much..

dont u know, this heart still beats for u..

it's becoz u dont care..

i wont tell u coz u dont care..

i wont tell u coz it's not important for u anymore..

dont u know? every single seconds and minutes and hours and day..

i only think of u..

no i wont tell u..

im being strong..

im trying hard..so hard to be strong..

u xkan paham rasa yg i rasa skung ni..

mati stiap kali merindu..

buntu sebab x tau lagi macam mane nak lupe..

u forget..

u forget everything.. but i still lingers in those memories..

yes i still do..

go fuck every body u want..

i wont say anything..

even though i die a little everytime..

i wont say anything...

not because of this ego.. but it just doesnt matter anymore..

Dont Worry

2011-08-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am Sorry for i have hurt u in a bad way.
I am sorry so much that i did what i did.
So now, i am hoping a closure from u.
Did you forgive me, and did you forget?

For my deary,
Love is not what im hoping anymore..
But love is what i still have..
N i know.. will remain..
It is no longer hurting..
But i am still all the time missing..

we are free now..
And this little bit of space..
gives me happiness..
And i love being with u all along..
just the distance is actually keeping us close..
though not too close.. yet close enough..

Dont worry dear,
even if i fall in love with someone else
i know i still have pieces of you in my heart
I Love you still~

MOve On

2011-08-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

i will...one day..

since you keep saying that..

i will~

Penat

2011-07-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

I remember the times i told someone that i will never fall in love again.. but
Right after that i did..
N the person was you..

That was a zroop..

i could not let go of the zroop..
i cant..

till now..
i still could not..

But i am tired of your game..
Stop there..
im tired..
please stop...
Hey player..
my heart is not one of your brick..
not for you to glue..
n dismantle when u see something is wrong..
n certainly not for u to break and recycle..
n absolutely not for u to throw away all u want..

this zroop become meaningless after time goes by..
thrown away as if it was priceless..

kalau aku x bernilai untuk kamu..
jangan jadikan aku boneka tanpa perasaan..
aku punya hati..
hati aku penuh dengan kamu..
Andai engkau cederakannya..
mungkin juga kamu sendiri akan cedera didalamnya..

Jangan pegang kunci hatiku lagi..
buang saja..
jangan bukak mangga itu lagi..
biar saja begini..
terkunci..
hilangkan saja kunci itu..
biar tiada siapa menjumpainya lagi..

aku penat dipermainkan..
aku penat jadi aku yang x pernah dihargai...
biar saja aku begini..
biar saja aku sendiri.. tanpa siapa2 lagi..

Cinta

2011-07-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

At least I aM sure of my HeArt. Yet u r stIll tRApped wIth The firmiLiarity.. N im sure that this is LOVE.. yEt my HeART iS just a TOy and LOVE is just A gAme.

CINTA.. hATIkU mAsih mEriNdU.

...AKU masih lagi cINTa...

Penat

2011-07-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

Haih.. Benci nye ngan perasaan ni..

Bosan la..

Pergilah~

2011-07-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

Pergilah... Dont be at any corner of my mind..

Dont be at any corner of my heart..

Please go.. Stop walking around in my head..

Stop beating my heart..

Go away from my imagination..

Go away from the clouds..

Go away...

stop flowing in my veins..

stop mutating in my soul..

stop filling me with you..

Setiap sudut dan Penjuru

2011-07-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

every corner of my mind, every inches of my body..

i just want to say.. i miss saying i love u..

and miss you said u love me too..

Every atom of my body aches..

every inches of my bones aches..

Setiap penjuru n sudut..

every corner of the room.. i see you

everywhere.. anywhere.. i feel your presence..

everywhere i go.. u stay in my imagination..

every breath i take.. i smell ur perfumes..

every single words i say.. i feel like talking to you..

every jokes i laugh at, i look around searching for you..

every heart beat.. every steps, each and every atoms of my organ..

are aching, missing you..

Setiap zarah2 dah atom...

But whatever that's left.. keep me moving on..

every strength that i have relies on that..

each and every moments of this life.. moves coz of it..

ur the tsunami..the biggest destroyer..

yet ur the ocean, the most peaceful place..

even there's nothing left..

i find my peace in you..

the everything i can live with..

the everything i cant live without..

time will tell how every stories would end

2011-05-19T19:20:00.001-07:00

i see.. what ur trying to do.. i see.. n i know it well..

i'll go crazy on my own..

i'll let time flows and tell

what is best is clearly in my mind..

nor my heart wants the opposites..

but what ur heart wants is not always what u need..

after a while.. it feels that it is becoming an obligation

for me to accept this karma...

i see manipulation..in this karma..

maybe its fate..

even i tried to create new memories..

the old ones keep coming on haunting.

im haunted by ghost of you..

life is not fair.. not only for me..

yet, going away is not an easy thing to do..

push me away.. n keep punishing me if you think

i deserve this..

patient is my best quality..at the moment..

giving up is always an option..

yet.. hope is always around..

it keeps me stronger each n every single day..

to wake up with hope..

i build fences and guard around this heart..

to make sure it will no more break into splinter of glass...

yet my fences n guard is fragile..

cause words are powerful..

stop trying to steal the heart..

im holding on to words..

yet the words were not strong enough

i could drown..

i need actions.. yet i dont have that kind of worth for u to try..

the things that would break us apart,

is the thing i wont touch again..

yet i have my flaws.. careless n immature..

its the things im trying to trash away..

yet, that lackingnesses are what u need..

give me the chance to fill that..

hoping one day, u could finally see..

hoping one day, u could finally feel..

our memories are great.. we were happy..

we are extraordinary.. we are strong..

our contradictions are our addictions..

n we are us..

only u n me..

though confidence is what i lack of,

i hopes are the only best strength i have..

but only time will tell.. how our stories going to end..

~ REMINISCING ~

2011-01-24T02:09:00.000-08:00

i start the lappy then start to browse on the memories in this blog..

Oh my oh my.. its 2011 already... and im almost 24 in a few days to come.

i go through the burfday wishes from 2 of my frens thru their blogs.. aww.. it was sweet..really!

Then i've gone through all the old blogs i wrote about 'emo day' and 'teringat' and 'cikgu'... it brings me back there once again.. really.. i miss 2009.. it was the best story line ever!

talked to B a few days ago and she said that i live in memories..

i said i have nothing else to do rather than sit at home and reminisce.. it triggers me to write this..

its not that im not happy with my life.. but really im at my downstage since im too adult to have to take care of my own commitments and responsibilities.. i dont like to be an adult.. but its a phase that everyone have to go through.. unless u die young...so im dealing with it..

i guess i grew old too fast.. 24 is already entering adult phase ryte??

when i read the 'emo day' entry, i realize how innocent i was back then, how foolish and stupid i was.. i wanted my frens to live me alone and let me choose whoever i want n whatever i need becoz i have rights..

duh~ u guys are my frens..of u care.. of coz u want to put ur hand in my dirty business.. we were all together...we were young we need consults.. durr~

i should wrote an entry.. sumthing like.. "okay guys, i learn from my mistakes..and u guys should tell me "i told u so".

well.. i guess i learnt them the hard way..

then, i read about how in love i was..

i mean im still in love.. im still the in love girl who is ready to do anything for love..

but at that time, i can feel the difference.. on the rushes.. the dissapointment... the missings..

the adrenaline..the passions.. the love.. the newly fresh love..

now.. still in love.. just not that innocent type of love nymore..

only.. full-hearted..devoted..committed..trusted..faith.. and the we-will-go-through-this kind of love love.. but yeah..still in love..

and then.. i read about the cikgu2 thing..

i was a very weak teacher.. i cant stand the students until i cant wait for the contract to end..

i should be tougher, stronger and strict! i should but i didnt.. but nevermind.. it's another lesson to learn for me..

n frens, the memories where we were all still together holding strong in my head.. i cant erase it.. it gives me goosebump everytime i think of it.. i can even still smell it..when i close my eyes.

--ceyh merapu--.. but.. really i cannot erase.. u can talk to me bout our memories thousands zillions time i would not get bored.. cause it played in my head more than we ever talked about it..

Same goes to you B.. all in my head like 'slideshow with smells'. if only i could touch them..

Thanks for still keep our memory book goes on..and on and on...loving each and every single of it.

Im getting bored with my words coz i cant come out with new words due to lack of reading or watching tv's or listening to new songs.. so im going to stop here.. n might only come back after a while..

Stepping in for a while

2011-01-12T04:22:00.000-08:00

Have u ever feel so insecure u wish no one knows u at all?

My friends, they knew me, they really knows who i am. in that case. they dont judge. For all the things i put myself through nowadays they advice but they dont judge because they know me.

So to my frens, dont ever start.. im loving u guys that way.. Accept me n help me through this down stage..

Farewell to 2010

2010-12-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

Sempena hari terakhir pada tahun 2010.... Writes an entry...its gonna be LOOOOONNNGGGG~

In the year of 2010.. i have learned that..

1.  Love can make us feels so high (up in the sky through the sun and moon and stars) and so hurt and down (like zillions feet under through the centre of the earth).. like damn Tsunami..
        a)~so damn beautiful like fireworks, lotsa butterflies, taste like sweets and feels like heaven~
        b)~so damn ugly like death, taste like shit and hurts like hELL~

2. Life is so DaMn unexpected.. One second u'r having a GooD JoB another second, u are jobless and broke..

3. Working is tough.. if you have the kind of bos that is so MCM CIBAI (bkn tempat nak mengutuk lg).. so i will forgive and forget..and will soon found a new Job.. InsyaAllah..

4. This entry.. will go out to every single one of the person that touches my heart and will live in my memories as long as Forever would end.

First Of ALL,

Allah

Dear God,
                   Life is tough at this very moment.. But although, thanks a lot for sending me the people that i called Family and Frens that were always there to support me. Thanks for still letting me taste the mesmerizing Laughter's and Happiness through out all the stressful and sad moments.
                  Forgive me for i have a lots of SINS.. I realize and have known that for so long but yet still have not come to the strongest of me to face U as i am ashamed for everything i've done.. But though still, i am SO very thankful for everything that U have shown me through life. Learned so much throughout this year of 2010.
               Forgive me for sometimes have forgotten and be thankful to You that was the only Everlasting Love that anyone could have. Forgive me for all that..

First Wish is:
Start to pray and ask for Forgiveness from my Dearest Of All the Mighty Allah.

Secondly,

Familia,

YG PENTING.. MAMA..

                  Sorry Ma.. if i hurt u for going away from home and come here to live on my own..
It's not that i hate home or the families.. its just that.. i want to be independent.. and learn from my own mistakes through the hard way.. let me experienced that.. after all, experience is the best teacher right? Though... i love u and i miss u a lot.. and really want to see you at this very moment.. and see u smile and hear your long-never ending-speeches.. (HEHEHEHE) I wish i could show this entry to you.. but this blog is too private.. (malu3~)
                Well, soon after i overcome all of my Financial problem, i will find a house and buy a big car for you and the others to come and visit me often enough, so that you will not miss me anymore.. and so will myself.. Please be patient and pray a lot for me.. I really2 do want to make you happy after all that you've been through.~ (sdey3~)
               Ma, thank you for everything.. and thanks for not hating me even i am "SO-THE-VERY" stubborn to leave the house..and staying in the foreign places.. Dont worry about me.. i eat a lot here.. and still healthy enough.. SYUKUR~ walaupun getting fatter each day..

Second Wish:
Make my MAMA Happy!

Third Wish:
DIET GIK OI!!! KAU YA DAH GEMOK!!

Sambungan Secondly,

Familia,

OW BABAH, The Father,

                 Bah, I love u.. hehe.. Thanks for the money.. and for the patientness of you for every single time i ask for $.. i promise u too, if i come to the time where all the debts and financial problems are manageable, you will be one of the list for me to give Happiness in terms of $..
                     Other things, i am so thankful to God that u are now living a happy life with a beautiful wife and beautiful daughter and a hENSEM son.. i am sure u had gone through difficult times too as Mama did but maybe in different kind of ways.. well, life was never easy..
                    Though, thanks for not hating me.. and thanks for still be there for me whenever i needed you.. even though we are not living together as normal family did... i still love you for you are my dad..

To Uncle,

      I dont have much to say not because u dont mean a lot.. just not much stories for me to tell..
So, just a lot of thanks to u after all the years that had gone by and u r still in our life's to support us and be our father and accept us like your own family. Thanks for always be there for Mama through all her ups and downs time and hopefully will last Forever till the end... Please go on and make Mama happy as she had also gone through tough times throughout her single life to take care of us both..

To Eka!,

                   Mek tauk tak rindu kmk sambil pelok bebey mlm2 nangis2 nak????? nak??? nak???
          Kejeron x mok madah! Ingga! haha..
Btw, thanks a lot for all the cia's and the unpaid debts.. halalkan jak bah! hahaha.. mun mek berduit klak mek cia ktk ar.. doa mek kaya.. doa byk2.. dpt mek cia ktk..
P/s: make mama happy.. i know she's not happy i left Kuching~
          Btw, i know u miss me...hahahaha

To Arman

                  Man..Rindu kmk x???? Kmk rindu ktk aie.. haha..~ polah lawak.. berkaroke dpn PC lagu T-shirt shontelle sambil rakam video dikpun main gitar.. hahaha.. dahya ingga ngn dikpun..
          huhu.. curi2 msk petang2... nyaman x mek msk?? mesti ktk dh x ingat ow.. haha.. guess what.. i miss home a lot.. bgn aher, n klaie ngn pina..huhu.. mesti kinek tok ktk pdh.. "bila tak nak balit kch???" huhu.. tggu ar.. if mek da duit lak, mek ambik sebulan cuti, mek balit k? kelak kta bejalan sepuas ati... OR ngambo rumah sepuas ati~~boh pdh mama..

Wish no.4?
cuti sebulan tanpa gaji and holiday at my hometown.. huhu..

To Afrina,

           Hi Pina, ktk gik cute kedak dolok ka? Ka dah dara? ahahaha mcm lmk gilak jak x jmpa, sak jak baruk raya ya tek.. ow BTW, i miss u... u miss me? huhu.. dolok ktk gik baby salu nangis tunggah nama mek "AYAAAAA,,,, AYAAAAA" mcm anak tambi pun ada.. hahaha.. "AMAAAA...APPAAAA".. gik congek ka ktk.. salu kaie ngn abg x? ka dah matured? ada BF?~~kedak mama salu tyk kmk~~

Wish no. 5? 
Buy these 2 kids something that can make them really2 happy~~~

Third is for ABEE!!
Or should i spell it out like this ~Harrafirzan Daniel Hakim~

Dear B,
Since the first day we sat next to each other,
since the first time we held each others hand,
since the first kiss,
since the first beat of my heart felt for you,
i am still loving you with all of my heart and growing strong each and every single day..

              Thanks for being here with me all through this year of 2010... and thanks for still wanting to be with me today and hopefully tomorrow and the next whole year too...(Wish ni akn di renew 31 dec 2011 nanti)..hehe..
              Thanks for being with me through all the hard times and still holding strong till today and hopefully for tomorrow and the next whole year too..
              Thanks for all the hard times that u have to go through for me and took care of me when i needed u the most, when im sick and whenever im down and sad..
            Thanks for taking care of this relationship and love me for who i am and forgiven all my bads.. my wrongs and all mistakes that ive done.
it still feels like the first time to love you each and every single day.. though it feels like ive known you for years and decades.. since you know me too much.. to see that
          > i am sad even when i smile
         >i am mad even when i act nothing's wrong
         >i am stressful even when i act cool

So happy that i met you..  and you're the best thing that ever been MINE..
...baby you're the fireworks..HAHA
            Thanks for sharing all the happy times with me especially on all of our vacations and honeymoons and holidays.. THANKS...
byk lg i nk tulis tp biarlah antare i ngn u je k?

Wish No.6?
herm byk sebenanye~ tp plg utama..
have another whole happy year with this person.. and love and be loved with whole heart..

TO FRENS,
Sory la kawan2, xde khas utk satu2 korang.. bukan xnak.. tp sampai kat cni dah sgt penat nak type and PK...

          TP nak ckp name korang yg sgt aku sayang and hargai...
Hidaya Taya dgn Syima Jamani.. aku gune name kat FB@Twitter k.. sbb korg dikenali dgn name tu.. kang tulis name penoh korang ckp aku poyo plak...

         first of all!, aku syg korang berdue.. ahaha.. geli x..geli x? Pelok3~
Dlm byk2 org.. aku ase korang la yg plg x kesah aku ni camane and paling x berkire ngn aku.. thanks sbb slalu ade bile2 mase je aku nak korg ade x kire dlm keadaan pakse or sukerela.. Thanks sbb bab2 $(duit ringgit and dollar sngapore)(rupiah, US $ or baht or ape2 slaen belom pernah lg, tp insyaAllah, haha) korang x pernah lokek nak share ngn aku.. sgt kenyang smpai gemok (mcm pernah kurus je) aku korang bg aku mkn ni haa..
           Seronok pegi holiday, melancong dan bersuke rie dgn korang!!! Ape plan seterusnye(Next Year)?? iNGT x angan2 kite? aku still mengharap n hopefully dpt menjayakan nya wlaupun scr kecil2an pd awlnye~ huhu

Aku xnk tulis pjg2.. sbb nnti kite bole citer2 time nak tgk bintang new year's eve nnti.. OK.. jumpe kamu mlm tahun depan OK??

Wish n0.7
be best frends forever and start business together..

Frens lagi,

           Hai Muhammad Syafiq Suraji and Carl Samsudin.. jgn ingt aku lupe korang lak? Of coz la ingt.. cuma terpisah ckit sbb lain cerita..
Ok.. syafiq.. dlm dorang 4 org aku plg byk gado ngn kau..! so aku nak mintak maaf and tutup buku tahun ni and bukak buku baru tuk tahun dpn.. so.. tahun dpn kite gado lagi ek.. hehe..
to kalep..aah, x pyh la nak carl2 kann?? tahun ni plg sedikit aku jmpe kau compare to tahun pertama aku knl kau.. hari2 sampai naek muakk.. huhu.. tp ttp rindu itu zmn kan?..
         
                     Tahun 2011 chances nak jumpe korang berdue makin ckit.. dgn syafiq yg jaoh gile.. dgn kalep yg artis da skung.. mesti mkn susah nak jmpe.. but anyway..anyhow.. i still hope korang jgn la lost contact ngn aku eyh? even aku camni.. degil n hidup dlm mimpi lg ke.. last mnt girl.. or lazy girl.. aku still syg korang sbg the people that touches my heart will remain as part of me..
walaupun kite dah agak jao..in terms of bond thing... our memories were one of the best that i still kept deep down inside.. terselit kat mane2 kenangan terindah.. aku x sedeh korang pergi jaoh dah.. sbb korang lekat kat cni(tunjuk dada, kat bahagian hati.. jgn pk lain lak).. huhu..
sweet x aku?? sweet kan? hahaha geli x geli x geli x???
                Dah nak tahun baru ni.. myb korg mngharapkan aku berubah jd org yg lebih sempurna.. but i guess its hard for me to change.. myb i will owez be the last mnt girl n the lazy girl.. tp skurang2nye.. aku ttp melor yg soft voice OK..hahaha... cute masih~

Wish No.8
Still keep in touch with these guys~ n be best frens forever from far~

            Utk yg satu ni, yg sy anggp penting juga is.. MAk WaN, hehe,... Myb mak wan x bace kot bnde2 kat tenet.. but Timer Kasih n publish out kat cni x salah...kan??
thanks ok ma(real life x brani nak pggl mama walaupun dah byk kali try, tak terkeluar jgak..malu~*blush2*).. Thanks sbb nak terima Melor sbg anak angkat yg x berape nak berjase n menyusahkan jugak ni... thanks sbb tolong n bantu melor spnjg melor kat cni tanpe mak bpk melor.. n jd mak angkat melor kat cni.. Thanks sbb tolong cover melor dr org2 yg berkemunkinan akn judge melor x kire dr mcm2 segi... Syg mama..(hehe..*blush2* lg)

Wish No.9
Dpt bahagiakan Mama ini juga..

OK sampai disini sahaja... since these are the most important people that touches my heart all throughout the year of 2010.

Tapi jgn lupe wish No.10
Nak jadi Kaye! or Dpt keje baru dgn gaji lumayan..haha..

...

2010-10-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

...

~silent~

...

Repair what's Broken

2010-09-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

26th Sept..

Even though its not much.. But it meant everyhting..
Thanx..

Im Sorry if i had been like the pain in the A** for the last few days..
Really did not mean it..

I still do love u..
N ur my Only One n my Everything~
Always Have Always Will..

Today..
Sejak haritu..
Harini... I feel much better tau..
Thanks.. U know me well =)
"N tonight.. will be the night that i will fall for you..
Over again.."
huhu..

B.. i hope one day.. u will feel the same..
Fall harder each time.. Fall deeper every single time..

sesekali

2010-09-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

sesekali sy tggu bahagya.. bhgya yg dtg dr kata2 awk..
sbb dgn hanye 3 pkataan tu buat satu hari lengkap sempurna
sy pelik.. knape rasa ni.. mcm x pnh luak, muak.. selalu ada.. selalu biasa..

sesekali.. sy tggu gembira.. gmbra yg dtg dr hadirnya awk..
sbb dgn hanye hadirnye byg awk tu.. ckp buat rindu tu terubat..
sy pelik.. knape rindu ini..mcm x pnh luak, muak.. msti slalu ada.. selalu biasa..

sesekali.. sy tggu derita.. derita yg dtg dr kata2 awk..
sbb dgn hanye 1 pkataan tu buat satu hari tu jd benci..
sy pelik.. knpe rase itu.. mudah hilang.. mcm x pnh ada.. selalu tiada..

about me when ur not around

2010-07-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

u know what is the greatest thing about me?
its that i got u..

guess what?
i thought im loving my job now..
i thought i can cope everything now..
i thought i can be the best..
i thought i can do better..

but..
when u r so far..
i became useless..
im nothing..
im hating my job..
i cant cope..
im down..
n im dependent on u..

ur taking everything i have wit u..
im missing u so bad..

bengkak

2010-04-18T01:59:00.000-07:00

rase bengkak..
herm.. ape2 lah..
what ever..
dont wanna talk much..
sing a lot..
until it ends.
dont think
dont think too much
its tiring
im nothing.
nothing at all
not important
not even someone.
not worth it.
i suck a lot
in everything.
im the worst
i fucked up in almost everything.
im so low..
been stepped
im a train wreck.
im stupid.
herm.
im a burden.
rubbish..

hope to witness a miracle.
no more lies.no more pain.
bulletproof.

i xfhm

2010-03-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

u xkan fhm camane i syg u
u pon xkan fhm knape i xley timer lg bnde ni
i xkn fhm ape yg u nak
u ckp lain..tp ujung citer nye lain
i tau ni bkn fairy tale.. xde happily ever after..

im not perfect
i know
tp x bmksud u boleh buat i camni
i kuar kjp ngn KAWAN2 i..
crk tenang dlm hati
u tpu i
u xnak ngaku
pastu u x balek

i carik u..
i nanges2 carik u
i rsau
tkut ape2 jd kat u
tp..

i nak tggu u balek
tp i kene keje
i pnt
i nak hidup jgk.. tp ase mati..
i sakit..
tp u xnak pk skt i
sbb kate u..
u lg skt

ok
i mintak maaf
sbb u skt.. tp i x buat u skt tu.. nape u buat i camni?
slh ke i mara u tipu?
klu u nk jg ati i pon.. nape u prlu tpu klu u x wat sala?
i da ckp xmo tpu i..
nape tpu jgk?
i skt... kene tpu..

i depressed skung ni
i ase i berpotensi nak jd gile..
balik la..
balik la
balik la

kami bodoh

2010-03-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

mlm itu

kami bodoh..
peluk tu
jasad je..
hati kat org lain
mate kami x bute..

kami tau
lbh tau dr org yg nmpk jelas
sbb kami rase..

kau & die..
mahu bersame..
kami tahu..
tp kami butekan mate..
sbb kami syg..
kami skt hati..
sbb hati kamu
mase tu
bkn utk kami
hati kamu
utk dia
kami jd org ketiga..

mlm itu..
aku baru sdr
aku cuma
pghalang...

~aDdiCtiOn~

2009-11-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

my drugs

every time we kiss
i can smell the cigarettes on your face

n every time we hug
i can smell the perfume from the back of your collar.

every time we hold hands
i can feel the sweat on your palm
mixing with mine

every single time we touched
electricity running through my veins

every kisses on the cheek
made my heart skip a beat

it always feels like the first time
every time

i fall harder each time

falling so deep every single time

being so addictive for every single thing

that everything is a drug to me

my special kind of drug

so deep that only me,
i can taste it

mean mums

2009-11-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

Someday when my children are old enough to
Understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will
Tell them, as my Mean Mum told me: I loved you
Enough . . . To ask where you were going, with whom,
And what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you
Discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
While you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger,
Disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
Learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the
Responsibility for your actions even when the
Penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . To say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm
Glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
Understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mum mean? I know mine was. We had the
Meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids
Ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twisties for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
Different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all
Times.. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She
Had to know who our friends were, and what we were
Doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
Would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
To break the Child Labor Laws by making us work We
Had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to
Cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
And all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie
Awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the
Whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time
We were teenagers, she could read our minds and had
Eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn
When they drove up. They had to come up to the door
So she could meet them. While everyone else could
Date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of
Things other kids experienced. None of us have ever
Been caught shoplifting, vandalising other's
Property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated,
Honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean
Parents just like Mum was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean mums!

p/s: my mum send this to me, i guess she really doesnt know how to tell me that she loves me..
perhaps, this is the only way..
i love u mum..

~masih cinta~

2009-10-02T20:34:00.001-07:00

Tik tik tik waktu berdetik
Tak mungkin bisa kuhentikan
Maumu jadi mauku
Pahit pun itu ku tersenyum

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu

Tik tik tik air mataku
Biar terjatuh dalam hati
Mauku tak penting lagi
Biar kubuat bahagiamu

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

Kamu tak tahu hancurnya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

it hurts

2009-09-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

u failed~

i'll be in two place in one time

2009-08-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

http://twoplaceinonetime.wordpress.com/

the more sane side of me

part time

2009-07-28T04:44:00.002-07:00

Being patient is my part time job now.

Patiently waiting for the day ur finally have a little more time to text me n say that u miz me too..

teringat

2009-07-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

tringat tyme kat utm..
kte dok kat dlm kete..
dpn azah... n borak smpi pg..
x abis borak agi tuh..
leyh g cuci kete kat blok same2..pg2 pas azan subuh..
haha.. kantoi x smyng subuh..
pastu g breakfast..
tu pon x abis agi citer huhu..
rindulah!
pastu pnt.. blk tdo..
then ptg tuh.. gi mkn mlm same2 agi..
hehe
the 5 of us can never really shuts up our mouth!
nak jmpe korg lah~
hopefully tyme konvo t leyh hangout ngn korg cmtu agi...

kawan-kawan ku..

2009-07-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

i just realize that i miss my friends so much!
guess wat.. my life is so damn bored without u guys!
since i have two groups of friends..
the friends i knew from utm n jb
n also the friends that ive known for so long..

i miz u guys so damn much..
i really need to talk to u guys now..
not thru the fon n not thru ym.
but i want to see ur faces and talk n just talk all day, n all nyte..
and get in a group and laughs our lungs out~~
i really miss that moment and i feel like crying now..

guys, im not feeling ok ryte now..
missing the old days~
n even the blog is not updated from u guys..
i wanna know..
are u okay?
how's life?
what u guys been up to?
have u guys been meeting each other?
what did u guys talk about?
have u guys came out with a new joke?
or lotsa jokes??

or were u guys been bz?
like me?
i dont have life here..
i miss ur companionship..
i miss our bond..
n all the things we shared..
i even miss our fights..
n our different opinion n perceptions
i wanna argue too much like we use to do..
waaa.... missing u guys so badly..

unlucky

2009-07-24T02:02:00.000-07:00

there are times in life where we will think..
when will our lives will be getting better..?
and sumtimes it does get better..
but most of the time it is actually getting worse..

but im still hoping for the best..
and im struggling for it..

all the days gone by..
it was not that good..
but i did smile just to make everything feels ok.

every single day..
after having a very bad day..
i'll find sum1 to turn to..
just to talk..
or just to forget all the despair..
unfortunately.. most of the time..
pain is the desert of the day..

i really don't mean to complain..just that..
everyday..they say tomorrow..things r goin to be ok..
but i guess tomorrow will always be tomorrow..

n im getting sick and tired..

i wanna quit this job

it's not that i dont like it
actually..
im starting to love it..
juz i dont think it suits me
i'll find sumthing else to do
or myb i'll just find peace...

what i have now..
is a temporary job n half heart..
other than that..
i have nothing~
so.. am i lucky?

im missing the LIFE itself
and also the other half..
missing my best frens too..
u guys r too far away to talk to..

Saat kau jauh~

2009-07-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

disanalah ada
bintang bersayap
melihat dengan sinarnya
dua insan sedang dilanda rindu
nyanyikan lagu cinta

ada hati yang tak pernah lelah
walau tak dapat berada di dekatmu

reff:

akupun mengerti dirimu menanti
sentuhan belaiku dahaga cintamu
akupun berharap rindu ini
bukan sebatas kata-kata
untuk menggantikan diriku
di saat ku jauh

kupastikan hati ini terjaga
setiaku untukmu
dan kau jua tetaplah satu cinta
jangan terusik khilaf

ada hati yang takkan terisi
oleh sesuatu selain cinta darimu

owh im not perfect

2009-07-02T23:06:00.001-07:00

Im sory that our lifestyle is too much different..
but plz dont leave me by giving that as a reason..

Im just saying..

September Band - Jangan Tinggalkan Aku

mungkin aku terlalu menyayangimu
semua yang ada padamu
karena kamu membuatku berarti
hinggaku tak dapat menjauh

dalam setiap langkahku
kuingin kau disini
hingga akhir usiaku kau tetap
menjadi yang terbaik untuk diriku

Reff:
aku takut engkau tinggalkan diriku
mencoba mencari cinta
selain cinta yang kuberikan

aku takut engkau patahkan hatiku
membuatku semakin terluka
dan tak akan pernah termaafkan

p/s: i cant bear the "missing u" feeling..

cikgu! cikgu!

2009-07-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

3rd day at school~

Early in the morning..

De sorg dak kecik form klaz 1D..
masok bilik guru.. then suddenly tunjuk...
"itu cikgu saya..itu cikgu saya!"
kawan die lak.. "cikgu saya lah!"
erm.. senyum je lah.. nak tergelak pon ade..

huahuahua..cute nye lah budak2 kecik tu..

pastu ckgu fong mara sbb x gi klaz tmbhn smlam..
huahuahua..escaping is wat i do best!

then, after prepare lesson plan.. tunjuk kat cikgu fong..
die ckp ok..
pastu enter lah klaz 1D ni..
nak ajar next chapter, chapt 7..
kene revise chapter 6 lu..
jap agi tanye sal chapter 6.. sume ckp x study agi..
erk! pelik.. lam lesson plan cikgu yg d ganti ckp dh abes chapter 6 tuh..
ok, wat quiz chapter lame2 dulu lah..
sbb x prepare lesson plan tuk chapter 6..

Dgn lemah lembut n penoh sopan santun:
me: "klaz, siap ke x siap ke, kosong je ke.. anta je buku tu or kertas tu ok"
students: "ok cikgu!~"

loceng bunyik.. de bdak g baling2 buku kat depan...
x sbr nak rehat..
hesh! x bertamadun tol la dak2 ni!
almost half from the claz wat camtu~
seb bek de sorg 2 yg tlg kutip n tlg mara dak yg kureng tu..

jap gi.. semak2 buku..
ade yg anta buku kosong!..soklan pon x salin ke???
buku ok lg.. ade yg anta kertas kosong..ttbe ade name je.. hahahaha~
ade yg mang jwpn kosong.. ok xpe..
ade yg leyh wat..pandai gak dak tu.. dpt sume btol.. kagum~
n ade yg x anta lgsg..heyh..aku dah ckp td ulang 10x lak tuh..hntar je even kosong..
x patuh arahan tol.. lam 13 org xanta..

tyme nak blk, lepak jap kat kantin dgn kasri..
nampak budak dgn sling beg..merayap kat skitar skolah..
ponteng lah tuh..
ponteng je xpe..
ley siap wat muke gangster die kat ktorang ni yg smemangnye cikgu..
mcm nak blg je ngn heels tym tuh..
tp..sabo je lah.. mls nak lyn dak ase bagos tuh..
takot dak2 tu bwk hal smpi kat lua..
ramai org dah warning.. dak skolah ni, xleyh carik psl sbrgn..
t die bwk smpi kat lua..

de satu kes.. kete ckgu kene thn plajar skolah tu ramai2..
ckgu blk jln kaki..
de gak yg g cabut tyr..
de yg kene blasah abg2 diorg..
gi skolah next day..lebam2..
kes polis tuu~
dahsyat..menakotkan~
tp ni citer2 org la..xtau tol ke x..

erm..arini pendek je mase..de satu klaz je pon..
tp penat cam nak mati...
herm..mane lah pegi smngatku..
owh smgat..blk la~~~

saya suka lagu ini!

2009-06-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

Kangen Band – Cinta Yang Sempurna

seperti bintang dilangit
begitu cinta kita
tak kan pernah binasa
meski terhapus masa

*
terima kasih tuhan
kautelah sempurnakan
telah engkau ciptakan
dia untuk diriku

aku bukan pujangga
yang pandai rangkai kata
yang ku punya hanyalah
hanya segenggam cinta

saat kita melaju diatas dua roda
pegang erat pundakku saat meninggalkan ku

lupakan aku bila itu terbaik untuk mu
jangan pernah kau tanyakan cinta yang tersisa
yang kau pun tak punya
biarlah

aku akan pergi
tinggalkan semua
cinta ini selamanya

patahkanlah sayapku
saat ku mencoba
berpaling dari kasih dan sayangmu
maka bunuhlah aku bila aku mencoba berpaling dan mencari penggantimu

bagai bintang dilangit
begitu cinta kita
tak kan pernah ternoda
meski terhapus masa

coMMitmEnt

2009-06-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

it was the best moment ever since i arrived here..
but too many commitments are things that spoils the moment..
i want to spend every single minutes with u.. n only u..
but im sory i didnt..
coz i cant..
but somehow, anyway, anyhow...
it was still the best memory that i will sure keep..
n for sure it was sacred..

i wish..
1day..
i will have that time with u..
without any disturbance..
n nothing to worry about..
to have our sweetest moment together
only u n me..

to have heaven everywhere..
n to get high n be sober,
anywhere, anyhow, n anytime..
juz u n me~
together..

Jangan Pernah Berubah

2009-06-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

Biarkan waktu teruslah berputar
ku cintai kamu penuh rasa sabar
meski sakit hati ini kau tinggalkan
ku ikhlas tuk bertahan
cintaku padamu begitu besar
namun kau tak pernah bisa merasakan
malah kini kau ucapkan selamat tinggal
membuat keresahan

* meninggalkanku tanpa perasaan
hingga ku jatuhkan air mata
kekecewaanku sungguh tak berarah
biarkan ku harus bertahan

reff:
jangan pernah kau coba untuk berubah
tak relakan yang indah hilanglah sudah
jangan pernah kau coba untuk berubah
tak relakan yang indah hilanglah sudah

repeat *
repeat reff

jangan pernah kau coba untuk berubah
ku relakan yang indah dalam hatinya

owh baby owh baby

2009-06-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

i miz u so damn much...

wordLesS

2009-06-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

There are No Words that I can say
Its la-de-de-la-de-la-de-de-de.. Oooo
There are No Words that I can say
Its la-de-de-la-de-la-de-de-de.. Oooo

Lately I, don’t know why
every time I think about you I just wanna cry
It’s not the cry that makes my heart ache
It’s the one that brings me to my knees and gives thanks
That finally, I have a chance to breathe
And thank God for all the goodness that he sent me
So it took a while but it was worth the wait
It’s a different kind of love when we love make

If I’m sitting with you
Laying with you ,Talking with you
I know I love it when I’m
Just riding with you, loving with you
Laughing with you, I cant believe I’m
So addicted to you, but I’m not ashamed
It’s so hard to explain
There are No Words that I can say
It’s a different kind of love when we love make

It’s been a while, you been around
And I think I like how everything is going down
And spending time just lets me know
I will need you and I never wanna let you go
And mentally you were meant for me
Not to mention how I feel you physicality
So it took a while but it was worth the wait
It’s a different kind of love when we love make

There are No Words that I can say
Its la-de-de-la-de-la-de-de-da.. Oooo

im worried

2009-05-31T21:49:00.000-07:00

i asked him once..:
if u could turn back time
what would u do..

he said..:
i might not want us to happen..
so it woudnt be this hard

monologue:
i want this to happen..
no matter wat cause it brings..
cause i fell in love..

he said again:
it's not that i dont love u..
it's juz.. this is wrong..
the betrayal..

still shutting up:
ok.. but it happened..
should i feel sorry..?
but i didnt mean to fall in love..

i said:
im sory for causing u all the hard times..
im sory that u've betrayed her..
im sory that she's hurt..
because of me...

thinking..:
1 day he might saved all the guilty feelings..
he might leave me..
cause im not kinda girl that
anyone would wanna be with..

he said..:
lalalalalalala~~
i dont wanna think about it.

i said:
okay~~

so today..
he wrote..
'andai ku miliki semalam'~~
is it about turning back time?~
is he keeping all the guilty feeling n
wanting 2 go back?
is he leaving me already?

ThE dAy i wEnT oUt

2009-05-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

i want to let u know..
i didnt do the things i did coz i wanna hurt u..
i juz dont know what 2 do 2 runaway from the pain..
it hurts too much i dont know how to handle the pressure..

a few minutes early while sitting there..
i was thinking i wanna stop..
i dont want 2 do this anymore..
i cant stand 2 get hurt anymore..

but suddenly..
the memories appear..
so full in my head..
n so close to my heart..
the time i spent with u was the sweetest moment i ever had..
they were the memories i wud never want to create wit anybody else
it was the most precious moments..
n it felt so ryte to be wit u..

then i realize.. i can nver let u go..
even how badly it hurt me..
i could nvr hurt u back..
so wat i did.. i did it half way..
coz wit u in my head..
it were all seem so wrong..

i went back home with hopes that u wud 4give me..
hoping that u wont fade..
hoping that u havent give up on me yet..
n hoping that ur luv for me r still there..

im sory i can be a little devil when u least expected..
but i promise..
i'll try to learn to be a better person..
for u..
missing u like crazy..

syafiq.. sudah ku buat tagged mu itu..

2009-05-20T03:23:00.000-07:00

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS...i don noe wat 2 do, so i copied it from hudds blog n do it in mine...type what comes to your mindFIRST whenever you hear these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it! Re-post it for all of your friends.

1. Beer: heineken
2. Food: singgang.. syima la janji nak watkan
3. Relationships: with baby
4. Crush: baby
5. Power Rangers: long2 tyme ago
6. Life: wonderful
7. The President: najib
8. Yummy: mama ngah masak
9. Car: vw
10. Movie:i love u man
11. Halloween: nightmare b4 xmas
12. Sex: pleasure
13. Religion: muslim
14. Hate: broken heart
15. Fear : terowong
16. Marriage: nak dpt ank
17. Blondes: bimbo
18. Slippers : ripcurl flip flop
19. Shoes: converse
20. Asians: japans
21. Pastime: facebooking
22. One night stand: naughty
23. My cell phone: nokia
24. Smoke: habit
25. Fantasy: bath tub!
27. High school Life: wanna go back
28. Pyjamas: sleep
29. Stars: with oceans are perfect view
30. Center: civic
31. Alcohol: hang over
32. The word LOVE: baby
33. Friends: missing them
34. Money: not enough!
35. Heartache: pills
36. Time: 7.30pm
37. Divorce: parent
38. Dogs: puppies
39. Undies: la senza
40. Parents: mom n step dad n dad n step mom
41. Babies: new born brother
42. Ex: forgotten
43. Song: love game
44. Color: rainbow
45. Weddings: not now
46. Pizza: delight
47. Hangout: friends
48. Rest: sleep
49. Goal: 0-0
50. Inspiration: money

something is missing

2009-04-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

i think ive lost my verbal sense..
ive been staring at this screen for quite a while n this is the only thing i can think of to type.

i think so many things has been missing..
lotsa lotsa lotsa issues..
i have so many thing in my head that i really2 want to talk about..
bout friendship, relationship, missing heart, missing emotions..
god.. how to put them in words..
i juz dont know how..
not anymore..

ive lost my sensesssss...
i think i have issues..
i think im sick..
i think i am not myself anymore..
have i changed??
friends.. please do tell me...

tentang dua

2009-04-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

today is 22nd..
it's the 2nd month anniversary for us..
n both of us are 22 years old this year..
n its start at the 2nd month of the year.. yes! February..

it's all about 2...

there are more..
but i'll keep it to myself..
huhu~

happy 2nd month B~
hope ur not bored wit me yet~

broken strings

2009-04-04T19:20:00.000-07:00

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking, it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on, but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive, but it's not enough
To make it all ok

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts
A lie's worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh, what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late (too late)

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh, and I love you a little less than before, yeah

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again

numb

2009-03-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

im so tired
im tired of sadness
tired of cutting myself juz to feel satisfied
i wanna be happy

im tired
im tired of thinking too much
im tired of thinking of her
and you

so..
numb i will be..
numb i will feel
numb with all the things
that hurts like hell
and taste like shits..

ask me wat do i want..
i'll say i want u
ask me y am i sad
i'll say bcoz of u
ask me y am i numb
i'll say bcoz im tired
ask me wat makes me smile
i'll say it's fake...

wish2... please come true...

2009-01-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

if i can make wishes come true

i want a BF that my friends like n agree!
i want my friends to leave out all the mistakes i did
n accept me for who i am.
n just go on with new things to come...
let everything be as it should be.

i want my sins to be forgive n forget..

n i want people to stop calling me fat..

and ALSO

i want no more war..

i want to help them...

i want to destroy the destroyer..

maybe i am problematic

2009-01-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

no offense guys.. juz want to let u know.. what i felt that day....(EMO DAY)

i love my frens but sumtimes, i just dont know how to keep up.. i've tried my best to be as good as they want me to be. but it's just too hard.

in whatever i like.. there will be an objection.. what r frens supposed to mean? arent they r supposed to be supportive????

ok.. case 1: i adore a guy we called W.

everytime he pass by, and waved or even just stop by to say hello, it completes the day for me. i never wished for more..well myb i did.. but i always not being too serious..k
i want anyone that i called friends to give me support... or myb just accept it.. n say nothing..
i like this guy k.. he makes me happy.. how can i just find someone else???

"Find sum1 else! he's somebody's boyfriend."

ok then, i'll shuts up when i found sum1 else..

case 2: i want a TTM with N.

damn!..this one, i never even have to ask. they just simply said...
no!

"He's my fren, not you, not him.. no way.. it would be hard.. no no no!
HE's not for you.. find someone else!"

urgh..
it was a little heartbreak, but i dont think anyone realize..

(thinking) their boyfriends n girlfriends are my frens too...but i never complain.

to think back.. they never had agreed with anyone i like..love or just admired.
there was always something like
i) "he's too good"
ii)" he's not perfect enough" (ugly)
iii) "he's my friend" go find somebody else.. coz it would be hard..
iv) he's my EX...(yeah ok, accepted)
v)He's a jerk
vi)he's an asshole
vii) he's not for you u desrved better
viii) i hate him.. he have a weird laugh

who am i to judge for myself..right now, i have 0% of self confidence.. n everyone tries to be the parent.. ok then,...TEACH ME!.. TEACH ME WELL GUYS!..

case 3: a rebound with Z

i have done some mistakes in my life, like anybody else.. ive dated sum1 called Z. but only for A MONTH! and it was only a rebound..i was devostated at the time so had chosen the very wrong person.. but so what?? i survived a year for a status called single after that.. and happy..

but it was a laugh for them.. a very humiliating jokes... they had done some mistakes in their life too.. but.. mine was worst to them..
OK Whatever!

i never judge their bF's or GF's. i always thought of their boyfriends or girlfriends as a good person even though they r not that perfect. i gave them all the chances that they have to take. i prioritise all the positive side for them to judge. why cant they act the same for me

all i want to say.. and all i need to say.. i can only say it in this thing called blog.. n whatever i said, im sory.. i hope this things stop here... n whatever u r unsatisfied with.. spell it out here.. n never say a word...

i do love u guys.. n i appreciate all the things u guys had done for me.. everything... even for all my mistakes n all the wrong guy ive chosen, i am thankful for the advice.
but for whatever reason that i really cant think of right now is:

please give me a chance to choose whoever i want..
let me take all the risk for the wrong guy.. cause as far as i know, i still have the right to choose..
dont judge me for whom i chose, or for anyone that does not belong to me..
i have rights to be happy or sad..

i gave u chances to pick the wrong or right.. i gave chances for you to take the risk..
i gave u all the time to be with whoever u like..

please give me my chance..
im not messing with other people's heart..
im messing with my own..
so what guys? i am EMOSIONAL..

addicted to the addiction

2008-12-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

How would u live your life if it's to0 short..
like if u only left a few years or months or might be just left for
only a few Days..to live

will u climb the highest mountain, swim in deepest ocean,
bungy jump at the Niagara fall, or save other human's life...?

if u asked me
i would say..
i just want to live my life as it is before
meet my family everyday
hangout with friends whenever i want
and be strong enough to accept the fact that life is never long enough to live
n try as hard as i can to accept the fact that life is short
since knowing it is not that easy

anything beneath, beyond, or behind life is
we have dark secret/s
n none of us have never commit sins
n none of us have never hurt other ppl's feelings
but we have less regrets
then we create the blame game

n have we ever realize that
life is too short
to get mad
to be sad
to waste tears
or even to be un-thankful

we knew that
we spend to0 much
work t0o hard
sacrifice to0 many

but yet
be unthankful for most of the time

we get mad to0 often
be happy to0 little
be sad n lonely for to0 long

n never really appreciate
the real meaning of life

it's the addicted to the addiction
that made life to0 hard to go through
to0 unfair to be judge
n to0 short to live

if only
we knew, how long will we live,
how less time we've left,
n how we waste a lot of it,

we might
appreciate too much
pray too often
be happy for too long
n be too thankful..

but then life would be too easy.

me..
as everyone else does,
we know addicted to the rush,
probs, money, curiosity,
the evils, the devils, the sins..

cause we like to think that we will have
the power to solve, to avoid, to try,
n most importantly is too control..
Everything
n without it life would be too long
n just might as well die..

contradiction

2008-11-27T06:50:00.000-08:00

your contradiction is my addiction

u r so rare that nothing ever resembles u

u r so cold that freezes leaves everytime u pass by

ur ego is so high that no one can even reach ur toe

u twinkles so bright that ppl mistaken u as a star

ur back is ur front

ur times moves anti wise

ur walk is moving backward

ur changing moods like changing winds

ur proud

though

ur a puzzle

confuses other human being

so contra

yet fits..

fits anywhere

so confusing

yet so transparent

so secretive

yet so predictable
so strong
yet so vulnerable

makes addiction in addicts

the addiction of you..

my addiction is your contradiction

inspiration for my self n to any0ne

2008-11-08T10:40:00.001-08:00

cleaned up the desk n even the bed! drank coffee.. finding the momentum to start. page by page... but zero input.. forced eyes.. hands n brain.. alphabet by alphabet.. pieces by pieces of papers.. but still.. zero input.. 4 hours straight.. but less than 40 % sweats n tears.. quite moments.. not working... sleeps..

wake up.. so early in the morning freaking out.. forcing again... drinks milk.. cant stop forcing.. finally! double input.. 2 hours straight but more than 40% increasing momentum! wuhuu.. satisfied.. hope to continue the next day.. after one whole day.. next day.. too tired.. zero effort.. zero momentum zero energy.. sleeps

wake up with regrets...

MORAL OF THE SHITS
strive to the last
sweats to death
conquers every seconds of minute
force every amounts of energy
n get damn good result

moments to treasure

2008-11-08T10:07:00.000-08:00

i am begging for forgiveness

for all of the hatred i've been keeping
so that i wont get caught in the feelings
to build so much anger
so i wont drown in the blink of eyes' fairy tales
for running away
so i wont get stuck in this guilty of pleasure
BUT..

not a single bit of it make senses
when..
there's the face
the voice on the fon
those inspiring words
created a smile in me..
weaken every muscles in veins
beats my heart twice faster..
then all of the trying were worthless..

i never had dreamed..
everything wud come true
cause dreams are supposed to remain dreams..
till it's gone that made me realize
maybe it was fate..
that it is the way it shud be..
that none of that was supposed to be
forever..

waiting is the only way to hope..
waiting for nothing that's possible..
so that a fairy tale of you n me would begin
the bestest dream that had ever been dreamed of..
that forces the wish to never wake up..

u, me, him n karma

2008-11-02T05:27:00.000-08:00

u see me as d mo0n dat dont glow
sun dat dont shine
n stars dat’s missing swallowed by the night..

he sees me as the mo0n dat light up the dark night,
sun dat shines d day
n stars dat twinkle surrounds mo0n..

he sees me as if the glass is half full,
but u see me as if the glass is half empty,

u said u cant stand to see me hurt..
but u broke my heart n didnt close ur eyes..

he said he cant promise dat he will nvr break my heart,
but he did keep it well enuf n even draw a smile on it..

u promised me happiness but yet lapse of tears were more in it..

he did not promised me anything yet not a tear drop he’d cause..

u said u will never cheated 0n me..
but the girl i saw was holding ur hand..

n him.. my hand he hold n never did he let it go..

i am no 0ne 4 u, yet ur everything 2 me
he’s no 0ne 4 me yet i am everything 2 him..

im just one of the splinter of glass dat u broke,
yet he is my splinter of glass..

she broke ur heart like u broke mine..
but i still long for you..
he’s perfect but i cant help 2
think of u..

but dat’s juz d way it shud be.. what goes around will owez comes around

i learn

2008-10-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

what have i learned so far this week are:

(i) if u did some mistakes, doesnt matter if its a big or a small one,

when u confess, it is much easier for other ppl to forgive n forget.

(ii) i think being strong is not how we go through tough shits, but it is how we accept the shits

and learn to let it go.

(iii) experiences are not really a good teacher... it can teach us to be cold-hearted.

(iv) the final way to solve problems is to avoid.. the 1st thing is to face n confront..

(v) the word 'give up' never really applied by anyone..

im missing my frens.. n i feel lonely..herm.. cptlah blk kwn2.. saye pon emo jugak.. saya nak kwn2 sy...

im tagged n so will you... so0n!

2008-10-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any 1 questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by and continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
- been there but done nothing.. but if it are to happen again i will do this!...
immediately change phone num without him knowing bout it..
OMG how strong i was back then...

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
-be skinny and taller..

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
- arman!! plz come home.. im bored!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- i wud make a list for things i wanna do because it is sure will be a long list.. n cant state them here.

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
- which? well, i dont think so.. coz frenship last longer..

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- neither...
actually,
being loved is more blessed only if we r loving them back..
so?

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
- as long as i can... u will know urself when to stop ryte???

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
- i will secretly adoring n get jealous all i want, n give up whenever i want.. secretly!

9. What do you pray each day for your loved one?
- i'll pray for their dreams to come true..

10. What takes you down the fastest?
-recently my dad...
1st day of hari raya.. he brings his sisters in law that are not even muslims everywer..
n didnt even come to meet me and my sister..
i feel offended easily n it take me down the fastest by saying his name ryte now..

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
- working, single myb, and a bit thinner coz i am planning to on a diet..plan only..

12. What do you really want at the moment of responding to this tag?
- i want to sleep.. slept late..woke up early.. tired!

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
- she's cute.. friendly and very hyperactive! huhu~

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
- Single and rich. if ur married but poor.. how will you live ur life with ur childrensss??

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
- My phone to0, ngok de msg x...

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
- Done that.. but for now, or soon.. or later.. i woudnt.. coz..love is not everything.. we have to be selfish at times for our own sake..

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
- both.. ahah!.. scandal2 lah..
nah.. i will let time tells...
coz time tells everything

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
- everybody will get better in time.. time heals.. time helps..
n time changes everybody..

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
- Single i s the best damn thing now!.. scandalous2...

20. What is your favourite kuih raya?
- midnight.. homemade..

the person's that tagged me is..
yana..diana..diana naubi.. yana kuda.. yana kontot(sory, u byk gelaran) huhu~

person im tagging
i dont have much frens doing blog.. so, juz picking anyone around..
1. syafiq/chuck!
2.misz azie- maaf, xde choice.. huhu
3. faz- haha, x psl2
4. hudds/huda- kamu pun kena juga..
no num 5.. xkanlah nak soh mr. abdullah??? haha

exXx..?

2008-09-30T12:35:00.001-07:00

this morning.. while bz looking for baju kurung for mum,
i felt a trigger from my instinct n forces me to search for any sign around me
okey, juz kidding..
but watever it is, i did look around to look for anyone i know..
instead of juz a fren, i saw my ex..
my first love i suppose...
i dont know whether he saw me or not..
but he simply ignore me when he pass me by..
or myb he juz didnt realize it was me (im not sure)
n d most painful part is, he's with 'the wife'..
the gf(before she gets the title 'wife') that he's been 5 years with..
the gf that he cheated on n be with me without me knowing bout it at all
yet this was also the gf that he left me for..
to be married..

n his wife is pregnant..
he seems happy..

he was kind..
but a total jerk of coz..

BUT
for whatever shits he did 2 me,
for the pain he cause me and all the hurt,
i think, now i am willing to forgive him
although he does not have a single clue about
how much i ever hated him
n how much i ever loved him.

Because today,
i realize i am happy to see him happy.
n not a single beat of my heart
are mad or sad when i see him..
it was just a little bit of
missing the memories.

afterall, it's hari raya.. everyone must forgive n forgets!

women

2008-09-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

i saw this to0..
in chicken soup for the soul
n i think.. it is so0 damn right

women,
if u kiss her, u r not gentleman,
if u dont, r not a man
if u praise her, she thinks ur lying
if u dont, ur good for nothing,
if u agree to all her likes, she is abusing,
if u dont, u r not understanding
if u make romance, ur an experienced man
if u dont, ur half a man
if u visit her too often, she thinks it's boring
if u dont, she accuses u of double crossing
if u r well dressed, she says ur a playboy
if u r not, u r a dull boy
if u r jealous, she says it's bad
if u r not, she thinks u dont love her
if u attempt a romance, she says u dont respect her
if u dont, she thinks u do not like her
if ur a minute late, she complain it's hard to wait
is she is late, she says that's a girl's way
if u visit another, she accuses u of being heel
if she is visited by another, 'oh,it natural, we r girls'
if u kiss her once in a while, she professes u r cold
if u kiss her too many, she yels that ur taking advantage of her
if u fail to help herin crossing the street, ur lack ethics,
if u do, she thinks it's one of the man tactics
if u stared at others, she accuses u of flirting
if she stared by othes, she says that they juz admiring
is she talks, she wants u to listen
if u listen, she wants u 2 talk

conclusion
these creatures called 'women'
so simple yet so complex
so weak yet so powerful
so confusing yet so desirable

well, we r complicated..
we dont even know what we really want..

the suicide note

2008-09-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

this is a poem that i'd read a long2 time ago and still keep it well in my poem collection..
it is so interesting i want 2 share it..

in A pLace i did dWell
i Met a guy i Loved So well
he Came and to0k my hEart from me
but Now he's g0ne and set mE free

he sAt a girL up0n his knEes
and told her things he NevEr told me
nOw i know why
she was preEtier than I

i ran Home anD criEd upon my bed
not a Word my mother said
my Dad camE home late that night
they search fOr me left and right

he wenT upstairs and my do0rs he broke
n found me hanging fRom a rope
he to0k a knifE n cut me down
n in mY pocket a notE they found

"Dig a grave, dig it deep,
marble stone, from head to feet,
and at the top, place a dove,
to show the world i died for love"

pathetic but yet poetic yeah?

marah sungguh!

2008-09-20T12:25:00.001-07:00

maaf jika kata2 di bwh mngganggu perasaan.menguji kesabaran.menimbulkn kemarahan.

ade sesetengah lelaki,
klo pandang pempuan,
xde kepale pon xpe,

pastu ckp,
sape bilang gadis melayu x menawan.
tu pon hanya bila nmpak sesuatu yg menggugat keimanan.
bingit n rimas!

siap kate.
x sngke ade pempuan melayu yg "hot"
ape yg panas sgt?
penyataan yg based on nafsu semate!
sexual semate!
lelaki camni,
tunjuk muke, loya.
tunjuk body, meleleh.

kate mereka.
normal.
sumer punye nafsu.
itu symbol die tu pempuan.
(pale hotak die!)

pakai baju kurung pon kate sexi.
ape lagi pakai v-neck.
kutuk pempuan free hair.
sbb tu Islam soh pakai tudung
(saya tahu saya x baek sgt..free hair je jugak..)
tp bukan bermaksud
pempuan camtu,(cam aku)
x lyk utk dihormati.

kami punya maruah juga.

jgn pelik.
jike ade pempuan benci lelaki.
jike ade pempuan pilih pempuan.
walaupun
haram..(walaupun aku xdelah baek sgt)

sebab.

lelaki
hati&fikiran
hanya pelengkap semate.
fizikal yg utama.

pempuan
fizikal
hanya pelengkap semate
tp duit
(pempuan mmg materialistik)
hati&fikiran yg utama.

LosT

2008-09-20T03:50:00.000-07:00

This LOST term only take place for some people who has lost their feelings. And all they can do is act. Acting is the best part in someone who is cold hearted. Whose fault is it anyway? I am young but I am hopeless. Am I? I don’t even know whether I am in love or not. But I can’t help myself to lie. And the worst part I hate about this is the believers...I can’t feel anything besides the feeling of guilty. I hate that.
How can we contribute a perfect relationship when we still have no commitment to build a serious relationship? Is it really a big deal? I hate commitment; I hate a lot of things. If I could, I would end this relationship because it is a lie, a big-big lie.
I am the kind of person who is reserved with handful of friends but most of the time, I felt lonely. And that is the toughest thing that I had to go through. Maybe it is not a big deal for everyone else. But for me it is. People say courage will take me to success. How can I be brave when the simplest thing I do is also based on a lie? Maybe it is all because of lust. But I think it is because i am just afraid to be alone?
What am I looking in a person? Is it Kindness? Or is it compatibility? Or am I waiting to just fall in love. BUT…
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
This makes reality become so ugly. When the reality becomes so clearly, we tend to realize that we had missed everything about our own selves because we are what we don’t see. And this is when we will be out there trying to find who we really are.

what's worst what's better

2008-09-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

smile? do we see happiness in smile?sometimes, smiles are fake.sometimes tears are fake.

how do we know if it is real?how can we tell if it's really sincere?do we really care?

we dont care if anybody is hurt?
we care only when we're in that situation.
we only care when we love them..do we really care?
or is it juz a bad feeling to see other ppl is sad.or is it juz a guilty feeling, bcos we r not sad at d time?

when we r really happy, d world have sparks in it..but not in other ppl's view..aren't they?

n wat if other ppl is happy, n we'r not?vice versa..we hate them.. we'll wish for them to see our suffering..but everybody have their own dark story..is it fair?ppl r selfish...'they only see us when it is too to them'.

broken heart is not so bad.being a hypocryte for someone we love is not that bad,being rejected or not being liked is not bad.then what is bad?n what is worst?death maybe...but everyone will die sooner or later..then, why is that suppose to be worst?

what's bad for me is living in memory n hoping for happiness... that's bad...why?because hope is juz a disease..we hope for the good, we will expect for sumthing good.wat if the good never appear? wat if it happen in the wrong way?n wat if it is not good at all?
we'll break..we'll fall... n we'll lose.
dat is bad,.

1 more thing is living in memory,memory will owez haunt us, but living in it will hold us back from doing anything...no moving on, n afraid of everthing ahead..ahead are olwez d direction we're going..we cant reverse n cant escape...we will juz keep on going... AHEAD..
we cant juz stop or pause.. c
oz the clock is always ticking..there's no end..n we have no choice.
we juz have to keep struggling to feel alive.

AdAm N eVe

2008-09-20T03:32:00.000-07:00

Men r from Venus... women from mars

Damn..y is it so hard to understand them when u really2 want to?

Practically, women are not from the same planet as men?Or are they?
Women, maybe women are just a bit of addition from men? Dat’s y we r called w.o.m.a.n... a 'man' with a 'wo' in front..What does 'wo' really mean anyway?
I don’t think anyone ever stated it in the dictionary?
Or did they?
urrgh..im just thinkin nonsense..
men does not come from Venus, and neither r women!
they r only human.ordinary human with a confuse mind n full with stupid decisions..
who cant understand each other..or even their own selves.isnt dat juz so0 damn right?!

first kiss

2008-09-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.

mistakes people?

2008-09-20T02:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore.

Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

-meredith grey-

2008-09-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

im out looking for myself... so if you accidentally bump into me somewhere, please let me know.. coz i need me..

this is what happen when u have bestfriends.. but they changed..

i really know the fact that people do changed...

but i never knew that it would be this soon..

i was hoping that i could change together with them,

but it was to0 hard to accept the fact since ive lost myself lately..

to b continue, the class plak..

2008-08-31T23:53:00.000-07:00

2morow, u'll be away
u might find some new frens,
u might forget bout me,
u might find some1 better,
and fall in love again.

i might get hurt,
n i might cry,
but,
if ur hapy,
for being u,
it might make me hapy,
though,
forever in my heart,
u remain..

Life afTer LovE

2008-08-16T04:02:00.000-07:00

For d first time u really fall in love...

wat i mean is, really2 in luv...

when a first date with him is d worst stomachache u had,i mean, butterflies in the stomach...

or when his 1st call b4 sleeps makes u cannot sleep..

or when d 1st gift from him u kept safely n wanting 2 keep it 4ever, even if its a candy?

when his voice on the phone can make u smile immediately after having a tough day..?

n 24/7 he will be on ur mind...?

n when everything he did,do o done 4 u were always perfect....?

n when his 1st kiz can make u go crazy????

but then....

u found out dat ur not d one for him!

not only that, he already have a GF, a steady one..

n he wants to marry her... n NOT U?

dat's sux right?

n this is where d 'moving on' takes part...

u dunt easily trust guys,u dont buy words,u hate sweet talker, u dunt easily fall in luv, even if u do, u will think dat they will tear u apart n dats y u never give anyone a chance...

n then... sum1 came along...

mend ur broken heart.. gives comfort n convince u dat he will take care of u like no one evr did...

since u r lonely, this lonely word only takes part in ppls life if n only if they had ever been in luv....

u force urself to trust him... coz u wanna be loved n cared...

n then u r convinced! but only after a while.....

n then u r willing to give the whole of u.... only bcoz, he luvs u....

u trusted him, u believe in him, u hv faith n hope in him, n u really do luv him although d luv is not the same as d 1st luv....

somehow, u just loved him...

with ol ur heart...

n suddenly bcoz of one stupid mistake u did,

he told u he juz dont luv u anymore..?

he found sum1 new...

BETTER